I Urge Immediate Travel To Egypt With Megan Fox

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Though I cannot be held responsible for any adverse outcomes if you follow my advice: I think you should go to Egypt. Not since Ramses II’s coming of age party has there been a better reason to travel to Egypt. What is happening in Egypt (brace yourself for a grandiose claim) could be the most significant event of the century. Perhaps someday we will change our calendars so that year zero marks when Egypt catapulted humanity into a brighter age. Or a darker age.

True, it might not get that heavy. But who knows? And wouldn’t you want to witness firsthand whatever unfolds from this?

The US Government sure doesn’t think so. According to the Huffington Post, the U.S. government “Warns Americans to defer travel to Egypt.”

But always dash some salt on the things that the US government tells you. Recall that this is the same government that wants to take 1,000-calorie cheeseburgers away from you. And remember when the US government almost killed all the bald eagles because they told farmers to use DDT as an agriculture insecticide? Yeah, that was a bad call Uncle Sam. Everyone knows it is un-American to kill bald eagles.

My ADHD discovered from reading UK’s Pesticide Action Network that Egypt is off the chart in terms of how much DDT an average Egyptian consumes. Why is this? I don’t know. My guess would be they are still using DDT on their crops. It’s probably okay to use DDT over there because they don’t have bald eagles. Just sphinxes. And DDT does not affect sphinxes.

Relative DDT Intake From Food
Country Daily intake units % of ADI
Egypt 13.7 68.5 68.5
Finland 0.026 0.13
India 3.6 18.0
New Zealand 0.003 0.015
UK 0.05 0.25




High levels of DDT in food is not the reason the US wants you to stay the pharaoh out of Egypt. With so much uncertainty in the Nile Valley, America always errs on the side of caution when it comes to her kids’ safety. She doesn’t want you to smoke cigarettes or be stabbed during a peaceful demonstration. On the other hand, to keep our politicians safe, the U.S. government should really relocate to Egypt. The murder rate of Washington DC is 1,000 times higher than that of Egypt. 1,000 times!

It’s true, things are uncertain and things are changing in Egypt. Quickly and suddenly things are changing. But in talking to friends on the ground, there is hopefulness mingling with this uncertainty. People are upbeat and are dancing in the streets.

It’s not my purpose here to dive into the details of why what is happening is so historic. But trust me. It is. Nicholas Kristoff said so on Twitter. To paraphrase Stereo Lab, “Incredible things are happening in Egypt.” Whether it leads to greater stability in the Middle East or a crumbling towards chaos, you don’t want to miss this.

Remind yourself that you are living in a Brave New Travel World where an airline ticket can be purchased to Cairo in two online minutes. A single Kayak click can make you part of it all. Even though the U.S. warns citizens in Egypt to stay in their hotel room, if you go to Egypt I encourage you to dance in the streets. You could even make a T-shirt that says I danced in the streets of Cairo the year Mubarak fell. Throw graphics of pyramids and some mummies on it and that would make a pretty cool T-shirt.

A flight from NYC to Cairo takes ten hours. If you buy your ticket after breakfast tomorrow, you could have dinner tomorrow night in the shadow of the pyramids. Of course, you will need to justify your decision to family and friends who will ask, “What the hell are you thinking?” They have the Internet and they know how to use it. They will use Google to show you articles they have found about how crazy and stupid going to Egypt is. They’ll have good points; they’ll show you pictures of people with guns. They will do this because they care about your safety. They love you and don’t want to lose you.

You might want to listen to them and stay home.

But let me push the counterpoint. To rephrase a memorable Transformers’ (2007) quotation, “Fifty years from now, when you’re looking back at your life, don’t you want to be able to say you had the guts to get on the plane?”

I know I want to be able to say that. I bet you would love to be able to say that. And I bet we’d both feel more comfortable if Megan Fox came with us.

So will you go to Egypt this year? Will I go to Egypt this year? I don’t know. Maybe. I’m going to try to. You should try to. I’m looking ahead in my 2011 calendar to see where such a trip might fit. Maybe I’ll see you there.

And stay out of Libya. The US government says so.

By Luke Armstrong


About the Author

LukeArmstrongLuke Maguire Armstrong lives in Guatemala directing the humanitarian aid organization, Nuestros Ahijados. His book of poetry, iPoems for the Dolphins to Click Home About (available for sale on Amazon.com) is especially enjoyed by people who “don’t read poetry.” (@lukespartacus)

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