The Ultimate Tool In Passive-Aggressive Flying
Are you one of those people that both enjoys lots of leg room while flying and has an aversion to direct confrontation — or contact in general — with people, especially strangers? Then the Knee Defender may just be the perfect tool for you.
The Knee Defender consists of two plastic clips that you wedge unceremoniously on the hinges of your fully lowered tray table that prevent the obviously inhumane and selfish person in front of you from reclining their seat back any more than the strict, upright 90-degree angle God intended airplane seats to be positioned. And isn’t that much easier than looking the person in front of you in the eye and speaking to them like a real human being and requesting that they not fully recline their seat into your obviously sacred lap space? Of course it is.
But what about their legality in the eyes of the FAA? The Washington Post asked the FAA, and their spokesperson at the time assured all passive-aggressive travelers that “the clips were not against federal aviation rules as long as they weren’t used during taxiing, takeoffs or landings.”
But what to do when the person in front of you inevitably attempts to lower their seat, and ultimately calls the flight attendant to alert them of the seat malfunction? Here are a few tips for the passive-aggressive travel to deal with this situation.
1) While boarding your plane, quietly slip the attendants a fiver each, whispering in their ears as you do so, “The seat in front of mine is broken, if you know what I mean.”
2) When you see the person in front of you reach for the call button, beeline it to the lavatory for a 30-minute sojourn. If the clips have been discovered upon your return, feign a stomach illness and run back to the bathroom immediately.
3) Finally, if all else fails, and the person in front of you confronts you about the clips, simply hand them a printout of this article with the aforesaid FAA statement highlighted, then slip your earbuds back into your ears and continue on with your Downton Abbey marathon, all the while enjoying your gloriously ample personal space.
Posted on February 27, 2013 by Matt Stabile