While not something you immediately consider before leaving home, every traveler is almost certain to experience it. For some, it can be a traumatic experience. Dorm room sex: great for people doing the sexing, not so great for those listening to the sexing being had by other people.
While a few out there may enjoy the sound of inebriated backpackers slithering around and into each other, the following suggestions have been thrown together to assist those less keen on the penetration of others at close proximity.
1) Know the Warning Signs
Same-sex groups traveling together in packs are particularly prone to these types of shenanigans. Be aware of such phrases as, “Have you met my mate Dave? You have to watch out for him when he’s had a few as he gets a bit romantic.” This does not mean that Dave is actually going to sexually assault someone, it does mean, however, that Dave is probably going to do the best he can to not retreat to bed unsatiated.
2) Always Carry “The Precious”
Otherwise known as earplugs, these foamy buggers are a lifesaver. In the event they have been misplaced or you thought you would take your chances without them, improvise. Melted wax is highly effective but not readily available. Instead, try rolling toilet paper into little cones or, to achieve a muffled effect, convert a pair of socks into ear hats.
3) Disturb the Mood
To be honest, this rarely works. At the point at which strangers are willing to slap their genitals together in public, they are probably too paninied to take notice of a reminder they are not alone. Nevertheless, it is worth a try.
Begin by sighing and turning over loudly. The sexers may attribute the commotion to their partner’s own enjoyment, or may think you are engaging in similar recreational activities, but if persistent it could be enough to startle the fornication to an end.
Should this prove unsuccessful, consider watching a documentary about traction engines at high volume or starting a small fire.
4) Construct a Tent
This involves taking a towel, a sheet or a larger item of clothing and tucking it under the mattress of the bunk above in order to create a cloth screen. This can be erected either around the area where the sexers are operational or your own bed. This method is highly effective in screening the action from view but does not shield you from accompanying noises.
5) Join In
If all else fails, emerge from your tent and see if there is room for a third. For, as the old adage goes, if you can’t beat ‘em . . .
A restless Brit with big dreams and limited cash flow, Hannah is a freelance journalist and student. She is currently being sponsored by the European Union to take a Masters in Journalism and International Politics at the University of Amsterdam/University of Santiago, Chile, and the Danish School of Journalism. Check out her site DontDoNothing.com or follow her on Twitter: @Hannah__Bowman.
Ha, which begs the question, what happens when you hear noises from the tent next to you . . .
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