10 Ways A Cruise Resembles An Isolated Totalitarian Country

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I’m pretty 100% in the anti-cruise camp with Arthur Frommer, unless that cruise is incidental to a small trip (like the great overnight cruise I took from Sweden to Estonia over the Midsummer holiday), or something as wacky as the recently-launched North Korean cruise. Yes, you read that right, appropriately enough, cruises — er, a cruise — has come to North Korea, pictures of which can be seen here via Gawker.

From the looks of things, it appears this pleasure cruise involves lots of school children waving flags, plastic dining room sets, and of course, a questionably-looking buffet. All in all, par for the course for a typical cruise.

With that in mind, I present to you, 10 ways a cruise resembles an isolated totalitarian state:

1) Complete insulation from the outside world and foreign cultures.

2) Substandard dietary standard compared to other societies.

3) Shuffleboard.

4) Highly regimented schedules involving activities requiring limited physical exertion.

5) A devoted following within its society easily offended by outside criticism.

6) Attempted defectors usually end up drowning.

7) Deviled eggs.

8) Favored article of clothing is baggy T-shirt and shorts.

9) Bingo is considered a pleasurable activity.

10) Never-ending desire to leave as soon as possible stifled by impenetrable borders, lack of resources and cultish-like belief that things will get better.

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